Getting Started

The past few years of my life have been fairly crazy.  Our family has been through more than our share of ups and downs, but at the end of it all, life is good.  I don't think that this is how I imagined my life unfolding, but yet here we are, and I am content. 

What's the point of a blog?  I'm not really sure, to be honest.  Perhaps it's just a platform for me to air my seemingly pointless thoughts.... the ones that cause others to look at me in a way that suggests I should be wearing a little white jacket instead of my basic, customary black.  Perhaps its a way for me to reach out into this ever-shrinking world and maybe reach the one person who can learn from my mishaps.  Maybe, just maybe, it's a way for me to find a way to heal my slightly broken heart and have some peace.  I'm sure that in the times I feel like I'm teaching someone, I am the one actually learning the lesson. 

So I've entitled this blog "A Life of Beauty".  It seems just a tad tongue-in-cheek, because in these past few years, there have been very few things that have brought me true joy, or that I have found beauty in.
Years ago, my soul was easily stirred by things that I thought were beautiful... flowers, beautiful examples of God's handiwork, music... anything really.  I had such an appreciation for beautiful things, that I found myself  always eagerly striving to make my surroundings as beautiful as possible.  Somewhere along the way, I lost that appreciation.  I lost the sense of excitement when I stumbled along something that I found to be truly beautiful.  In these last few years, more often than not, I have felt slightly dead inside, numb, my soul asleep while my body continued to go on living.  It's hard to explain without coming across as completely morose and depressed, so I think that I will stop there.  I don't want to leave anybody with the impression that I am in a despondent state of mind, because I am not.  I do, however, feel as though I am finding my way back home from a very, very long trip away... one where I forgot who I really am.  I guess that's what I'm really trying to figure out... where exactly did I go... and how can I get me back??

Starting over is hard work, but I'm up for the challenge.  I'm turning 40 next year (gasp!  how and when did this happen?)  and the years I have left are now outnumbered by the years I've used up.  I really want to not waste the rest of them. 

So, join me on the journey, or don't.  It's really up to you if you care to hear about any of my rantings.  I promise that I will not be predictable, and I promise that I won't be reliable when it comes to posting on a regular basis.  I'm a terrible correspondant, to be sure.  What I can promise, is that I'll be honest... often brutally so. 

Friends and future friends, till next time!